C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
