What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
