My pussy is not your playground.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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