so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
