please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
