This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize