He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
