how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
