I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
