the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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