i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
