oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
