i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The feeling are messing with the penis
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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