farters have to be the big spoon...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
