Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
