so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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