I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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