someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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