god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
