guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
