I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i have two assholes
I wish you could order shots online.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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