He kissed a someone with a penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
