Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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