i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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