Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
