i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
