My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
