im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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