even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
