So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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