Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
