i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
