I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
