There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
