She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
