it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
