I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
