dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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