Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need a shit load of segways right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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