Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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