Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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