She went from zero to smokin in five shots
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
