Just cropdusted the office
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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