theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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