oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
