what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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