I wish I could punch you in the face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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