it was like having sex with a tree stump
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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