Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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