today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
