omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she peed on how many people?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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