Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
