Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
