He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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