he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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