Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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