We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
