She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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