If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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