Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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