i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
