OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
grandma shit on top of the toilet
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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