I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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