So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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