Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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