The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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