I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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