the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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