Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
