Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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