if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
