i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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